i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
