so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
