If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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