I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
