a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
