I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
