Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
