Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cannot find my penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
