Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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