I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
