sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
