yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
