i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
