she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
