I heard we made out
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
