I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
