Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
