I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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