How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
