I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
