Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
