Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
