You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
