I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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