go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
