yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
