did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
