Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
