Can i not drive my cunt home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
