I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
