"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
COCAINE IS GR8
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
