Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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