I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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