Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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