Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
