I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
