2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
