My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
