My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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