Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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