If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
