I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
