Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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