Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
