I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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