maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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