My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
