I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
