I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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