just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
