It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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