I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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