I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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