You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
