dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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