I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
