By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
