when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
