Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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