He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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