She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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