I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
