does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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