I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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