The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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