you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
