what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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