i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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