and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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